I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
