Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
