Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
