he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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