i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
