She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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