I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
