You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
