Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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