My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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