he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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