I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
