Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
