I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
