Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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