I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
