the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
