My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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