it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
