never play flip cup with pint glasses
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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