You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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