They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
