I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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