also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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