the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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