He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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