they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Floor bacon is actually really good
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
