and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
