i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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