I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.