No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.