well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked