I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.