OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.