The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness