O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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