I can text with my tongue
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
