Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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