Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize