that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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