he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
