I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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