I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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