Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
