Betty ford says i'm here all night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
