Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
