She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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