my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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