I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
