you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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