Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
