I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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