I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize