dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
