Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
