I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
