everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
