Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish my penis had a tongue
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
