I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
