I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
