I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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