end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
