please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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