cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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