Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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