my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
