You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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