Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
