Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
