Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
