u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
