Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's even glitter on my cock...
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