i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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