True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
