I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize