I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
