I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
