I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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